Reflections of the past year for me personally are not as great as I
would have hoped. As usual my start then
stop then start again method has not worked as well as I hoped. I thought I would be writing about Life
changes, Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards Men with cookies, instead I am
evaluating everything about my writing.
This blog is supposed to be a chronicle about being healthy and creating
positive habits. Many posts are me not
getting it right. I like to think I have
written about being consistent. The only
consistent thing I have done for the whole year is apologize for not getting my
shit together.
I still won’t give up on the 100 day project. I have been reviewing my blog posts. The idea is to see where I have been leading
this blog astray. Where can I
improve? How to be consistent? I notice that every post is like a standalone
declaration of a major procrastinator. I want my blogs and my posts in them to flow
together like a well-made machine. I
know I don’t give any of them the time they need. I have a real life, an internet life and a make-believe
life, {I am a writer of fiction} none of my lives complement each other. Every time devote attention to one the other
is neglected, I feel bad for not keeping up.
I know this sounds like a multiple-persons disorder but it really isn't. I wasn’t able to make my dream job, my real
life career, the repercussions have been astounding, and I am still reeling
from it. This is a very personal truth, I welcomed
being depressed about my life for a long time.
I hated myself and I saw no other way to live. No light at the end of the tunnel, no journey’s
end and definitely no Happy Ever After.
I didn't expect or think about a Good For Now. I didn’t want to believe
that is what I was doing existing and waiting to be seen by someone. It went
against my feminist ideals. It was such a bad state of mind. I was a mess and I don’t really know when I
decided this was not the way to live. It
could be about 2009 or a little before or after, I decided to stop waiting to
be saved. It is a stop and go process
but at least I am seeing the devil for what it is.
In an attempt to change my mindset, negative habits, and
environment. I started the 100 days
project. I have typed this before the
origins of the project. I won’t go into
detail now. Except to write that since
this is the season to remember, I will take the time. I will also be looking at other sites for
health, weight loss and overall well-being ideas, tips and advice. Making the conscious choice to change and
make the life I want. My title is This is the Boom!!!. the explosion or the red mushroom cloud is a sign I like to give that there will be major changes in the future when possible. The peach lotus is the signature of this blog and the hope that things will work out, the way they are supposed to. xxoo.
