Daily Dose

This is the best head shot I have ever taken.  It was done with one of my cheapest phones.  I have been happy with it like forever.  The point of this post is to successfully type 300+ words every day for the next 100 days.  It has become a part of the yearly personal challenge started in November 2014 and the launch of the 100 days project XX(20);  Part of the plan is to chronicle the changes.  Not quite sure if this the correct number, but I like it.  It is even and pretty close since I came up with the idea of using the 100 days.  Everything takes a plan, so I will type what I will be doing.  I have mentioned them before, the daily challenge service by Me You Health.   The company is established in Boston MA.  They have been encouraging people to live, achieve and maintain heathier more fulfilled lives since 2009.  A relative got me hooked through Facebook and for about six months, I was really good at keeping up with the various healthy challenges.  But somewhere I fell off the bandwagon. 

I decided to get back on the wagon with Daily Challenge and Me You Health without Facebook.  I have three reasons, first the challenges are simple; second they have good information; third it is generally fun.  I will also be adding an exercise routine from The Gym Box with Roku.  I have super big TV; I use it mercilessly to watch a whole season of television via Netflix, Hulu and Crackle.   I have been threatening myself for months now about joining the Gym Box.  Instead of just doing the short half routines they have up to entice people into becoming a paying member.    It is ten dollars a month.  I could do worse.  I had an actual gym membership for 8 months and I paid every month and never attended the gym ever.  That was very stupid of me and a colossal waste of money.  With Gym Box I can practice an exercise routine from the convenience of my own home.  Tomorrow I will be typing about motivation.  I am sensing that motivation will be an issue for me.  So I need to face it head on. I know I have other issues I will have to confront.  I will type more about this later. 

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Hard Truths

I am a fat woman.   It is a truth that I normally don’t like to type about.  I don’t like to talk about my exact weight and I don’t like to discuss in detail how I got to be this way and why I don’t necessarily pull myself up by my bootstraps and lose weight.  I am the way I am.  I have good days and bad days.  The positive point is that I am working on changing. 

Usually I like to represent myself with a flower.  A lotus to be exact.  I like the meaning people have applied to the flower so I have borrowed some pictures from Wikipedia and other places.  I use them as my profile pictures on all my social media accounts.  I started to think that maybe I was using flowers instead of my face because of low self-esteem.  So here I am.   Every picture in this post is of me in the last seven years.  I don’t like any of them.  No one has been able to take a nice picture of me in years and I have yet to take a decent selfie.   That is another truth, I haven’t liked any pictures of myself in over seven years.  

I admit I do have esteem issues.  There is a long list, I don’t plan to type it out here no matter how much I want to reach my word count goal.  The point of this blog was to chronicle my healthy lifestyle change. That means identifying the unhealthy, bad habit that encourage the opposite of well-being.   .   I haven’t been able to change completely.  I don’t think I have given it a serious effort.  My post are frequently read like this, I make a promise to change, I break the promise, I type an apology and vow to do better,  I break the vow.   It is a vicious and tedious cycle.  I am very very tired of it and I will like to get off now please.  This is a part of my serious effort.

                       

These pictures of me are for me to face facts.  I like to write positive life affirming post.  I don’t like to type negativity but I do a lot of self-deprecation stuff.  I love to type ‘knowing is half the battle’ because I came from the generation of the GI Joe PSA and once upon a time I was also under the evil impression that knowing was good enough.  Knowing was like fixing the problem already.  Any adult will tell that knowing is nowhere near the battle and sadly I think I have mentioned it before.  Debunking my childhood saying was supposed to be a line I had crossed; a trial the moves me to a different level of something.  With a heavy sigh, I will type some more truths.  These are actual facts.  I had a weight problem before I had weight problem.  I always thought of myself as a fat girl.  There was a time in my life when I wasn’t a fat girl.  I didn’t realize it until I saw an old picture of myself.  So I guess I had a self- perception problem like many girls in the western world.  It took me over ten years to figure that shit out.  That is another phenomena I will have to write about, there is a large number of women in their 30’s and 40’s writing about their misconceptions of their youth.  Again I am in a sea of millions. 

  

I think I lost track of this post.  One more of my truths, I will be struggling with this blog for a while.  I have yet to find a way to explain, life changes, health, weight loss and overall well-being in a positive entertaining inspiring way.   This blog is actually supposed to be a daily blog and if it is can I write 300 words every day about lifestyle change, health, weight loss and overall well-being.  The only way to begin is to start or did I reverse the words.  Meh. 

 

My sister and I have a similar problem we want to be healthy and have not put out the effort.  We have made an unofficial pact with other relatives in the same boat, to be 100lbs less by April.   I have given myself of course 100 days and I am also giving myself a week to prepare.  Some of you may say that is a cop out.  I should have started on Thursday, January 1^st.  Since I just heard about it on December 31^st 2014. I am giving myself time to plan, set an attainable goal.  Just doing or going cold turkey has never worked for me, I regress within day.  

The next 100 days project will begin on Sunday January 11, 2015 and will end on Monday April 20, 2015.  If all goes well, there will be significant change.  I will be typing all kinds of happy buzz of achievement and plans for the future projects.   I am getting all kinds of ideas and hope that I will be able to entertain and enlighten readers those like me or otherwise.  

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This is the BOOM!!!

Reflections of the past year for me personally are not as great as I would have hoped.  As usual my start then stop then start again method has not worked as well as I hoped.  I thought I would be writing about Life changes, Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards Men with cookies, instead I am evaluating everything about my writing.  This blog is supposed to be a chronicle about being healthy and creating positive habits.  Many posts are me not getting it right.  I like to think I have written about being consistent.  The only consistent thing I have done for the whole year is apologize for not getting my shit together. 

I still won’t give up on the 100 day project.  I have been reviewing my blog posts.  The idea is to see where I have been leading this blog astray.  Where can I improve?  How to be consistent?  I notice that every post is like a standalone declaration of a major procrastinator.   I want my blogs and my posts in them to flow together like a well-made machine.   I know I don’t give any of them the time they need.  I have a real life, an internet life and a make-believe life, {I am a writer of fiction} none of my lives complement each other.  Every time devote attention to one the other is neglected, I feel bad for not keeping up.   I know this sounds like a multiple-persons disorder but it really isn't.  I wasn’t able to make my dream job, my real life career, the repercussions have been astounding, and I am still reeling from it.    This is a very personal truth, I welcomed being depressed about my life for a long time.  I hated myself and I saw no other way to live.  No light at the end of the tunnel, no journey’s end and definitely no Happy Ever After. 

I didn't expect or think about a Good For Now. I didn’t want to believe that is what I was doing existing and waiting to be seen by someone. It went against my feminist ideals. It was such a bad state of mind.  I was a mess and I don’t really know when I decided this was not the way to live.  It could be about 2009 or a little before or after, I decided to stop waiting to be saved.  It is a stop and go process but at least I am seeing the devil for what it is. 

In an attempt to change my mindset, negative habits, and environment.  I started the 100 days project.  I have typed this before the origins of the project.  I won’t go into detail now.  Except to write that since this is the season to remember, I will take the time.  I will also be looking at other sites for health, weight loss and overall well-being ideas, tips and advice.  Making the conscious choice to change and make the life I want.  My title is This is the Boom!!!.  the explosion or the red mushroom cloud is a sign I like to give that there will be major changes in the future when possible.  The peach lotus is the signature of this blog and the hope that things will work out, the way they are supposed to.  xxoo.