I am a fat woman. It is
a truth that I normally don’t like to type about. I don’t like to talk about my exact weight
and I don’t like to discuss in detail how I got to be this way and why I don’t
necessarily pull myself up by my bootstraps and lose weight. I am the way I am. I have good days and bad days. The positive point is that I am working on
changing.
Usually I
like to represent myself with a flower.
A lotus to be exact. I like the
meaning people have applied to the flower so I have borrowed some pictures from
Wikipedia and other places. I use them
as my profile pictures on all my social media accounts. I started to think that maybe I was using
flowers instead of my face because of low self-esteem. So here I am. Every picture in this post is of me in the
last seven years. I don’t like any of
them. No one has been able to take a
nice picture of me in years and I have yet to take a decent selfie. That
is another truth, I haven’t liked any pictures of myself in over seven years.
I admit I do
have esteem issues. There is a long
list, I don’t plan to type it out here no matter how much I want to reach my
word count goal. The point of this blog
was to chronicle my healthy lifestyle change. That means identifying the
unhealthy, bad habit that encourage the opposite of well-being. . I
haven’t been able to change completely.
I don’t think I have given it a serious effort. My post are frequently read like this, I make
a promise to change, I break the promise, I type an apology and vow to do
better, I break the vow. It is a vicious and tedious cycle. I am very very tired of it and I will like to
get off now please. This is a part of my
serious effort.
These pictures
of me are for me to face facts. I like
to write positive life affirming post. I
don’t like to type negativity but I do a lot of self-deprecation stuff. I love to type ‘knowing is half the battle’
because I came from the generation of the GI Joe PSA and once upon a time I was
also under the evil impression that knowing was good enough. Knowing was like fixing the problem
already. Any adult will tell that knowing
is nowhere near the battle and sadly I think I have mentioned it before. Debunking my childhood saying was supposed to
be a line I had crossed; a trial the moves me to a different level of something.
With a heavy sigh, I will type some more
truths. These are actual facts. I had a weight problem before I had weight problem. I always thought of myself as a fat
girl. There was a time in my life when I
wasn’t a fat girl. I didn’t realize it
until I saw an old picture of myself. So
I guess I had a self- perception problem like many girls in the western world. It took me over ten years to figure that shit
out. That is another phenomena I will
have to write about, there is a large number of women in their 30’s and 40’s writing
about their misconceptions of their youth.
Again I am in a sea of millions. 
I think I
lost track of this post. One more of my
truths, I will be struggling with this blog for a while. I have yet to find a way to explain, life
changes, health, weight loss and overall well-being in a positive entertaining
inspiring way. This blog is actually
supposed to be a daily blog and if it is can I write 300 words every day about
lifestyle change, health, weight loss and overall well-being. The only way to begin is to start or did I
reverse the words. Meh. 
My sister
and I have a similar problem we want to be healthy and have not put out the
effort. We have made an unofficial pact
with other relatives in the same boat, to be 100lbs less by April. I have given myself of course 100 days and I
am also giving myself a week to prepare.
Some of you may say that is a cop out.
I should have started on Thursday, January 1st. Since I just heard about it on December 31st
2014. I am giving myself time to plan, set an attainable goal. Just doing or going cold turkey has never
worked for me, I regress within day.
The next 100
days project will begin on Sunday January 11, 2015 and will end on Monday April
20, 2015. If all goes well, there will
be significant change. I will be typing
all kinds of happy buzz of achievement and plans for the future projects. I am
getting all kinds of ideas and hope that I will be able to entertain and
enlighten readers those like me or otherwise.
Please Leave a comment
No comments:
Post a Comment