Changed Plans

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

In the last essays, I stated that I would be writing about what wellness means to me. The subject is very popular.  There are many sites on it.  There are many people claiming to be an expert on Wellness, health and well-being.  The information is vast, so the search continues.   I don’t think my definition will be a two sentence group of words.  I also stated that the new 100days project would begin in June.  I had to suspend those decisions.  The vague plans were weak and would most likely fail miserably.  Then I would be back in the spiral of apologies and pessimistic optimism.  It sounds like an oxymoron but it isn't.  That is one of many awful truths. 

The next date for the project to begin is July 1^st of course.  So in four days I will relaunch the 100days project, sans the number.   I have even contemplated

starting again at the number one.  This 100days project should be amazingly different from the others because now I am seeking the information to make my lifestyle change better. Although the reeducation is going to be tough.  Old bad habits die hard.   The posting plan is 3 times a week.  Something for the mind, spirit and body, Monday, Wednesday, Friday.  There should also be an exercise schedule and food plan.  This is where things go wrong for me.  What I plan to eat isn’t always what I eat.  What I plan to cook isn’t always what I cook.  The other people who live with me don’t always want to eat what I cook.  The overall plan is to put my foot down and adhere to the household meal plan.  We all need to change the lifestyle but we are dragging our heels. 

Another ugly truth. 

Someone said something about success coming after or because of failures.  If that is the case then there will be a time when this project will be an overwhelming success.  I keep the faith because I don’t know how else to be.  Many times I have been told to give up on the dreams that help me get through the many hard days.  I have not yet.  I don’t have it in me to give up on them or this project.  So here I again typing Wednesday July 1^st 2015 to October 19^th 2015.   Cross your fingers.

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Never Give Up/ No Excuses

A year from now
you will be glad you started Today

-Karen Lamb

A hundred days have gone past.  There was no grand success.  I have barely broke even.  After writing and posting two essays on failure.  I decided to take time and reflect on what went well and what didn't. I successfully posted an essay almost daily for a month.  Each essay on 100 days was health related and met the 300+word challenge, I gave myself.  I was beginning to feel like the writer, I keep claiming to be.  Then unforeseen circumstances happened and I didn't have a plan b.  I was off-track and reeling.  It was horribly easy and frustrating.  I would love to say that I am back of the track but I am not.  It is May and I have not posted an essay on any of the website blogs in two or more months.  

It is disheartening or at least it would if I was giving up.  I am calling bull on my

expectations.  I half ass a lot of things in my life.  The results are no results.  I will be honest if I had a decent paycheck.  I would easily be about 250lbs.  As long as I could dress myself decently and fashionably and I could fit comfortably in size 22 jeans.  But I am fumbling financially and live month to month.  I have no job prospects and no real time to pursue them.   I am however a care giver to family member.  Care giving can take over your life, if you let it.  I am not complaining and I feel that even this is not getting the 100% it deserves. 

It messes with my mood and I probably compensate with food.  This essay is about failure.  I can’t get away from kicking this dogs.  I will be attempting next essay to write about improvement and positive endeavors.  The focus will be wellness.  Mainly because the word is used so freely.  Wellness conjures up, yoga, meditation, exercise and balanced meals. Good simple things that everyone should need, have and want. 

However there is an obesity epidemic in this country.  I am one of the causalities.  This week I will be defining wellness again.  Then three examples of what I think wellness looks like in my opinion.  I will also be mindful of my food choices, exercise and drink more water than coffee. 

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Days 56-60

Things Went Wrong

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

This essay is about the state of the mind. I started to think about this post on Sabbath (Saturday).  I have had a major setback.  I stopped following the plan.  I tried to reestablish the schedule but I was not able to do it.  The weather has been horrible in NYC.  It turned out I needed my fat to keep warm. That is a useless excuse.  I fell behind because it was easy, so devilishly easy. I stopped reminding myself that I should be working on my better body, overall health and well-being.  I did the math and if I was diligent, I would be happier at my achievement. Now I am just forty days from day 100, April 20, 2015. I want to be depressed but I keep thinking that there is time for change.  It won’t be the original desired objective but it will be something because I would be breaking old damaging habits and establishing healthier ones.

My worst habit, is that I could stay up all night.  I hate early mornings.  I always have since I was a kid.  I wrote an essay on it the hatred of mornings, I was in 6^th grade; I was eleven years old.  Late nights, which are really early morning, ironic I know are a good time for me.  The world is quiet enough for me to think, on a good night.  On bad nights, I binge watch whatever catches my fancy- anime, asian dramas, syfy shows, Youtube. I am exhausted  and uncreative during the day.  I used to delude myself and say it was research on how stories are being made. I do analyze but most of the time it is procrastination or fear of not being enough.  I don't get the things I need done; I can't stick to the schedule.  My real life and the internet life clash brutally.  By the end of the week, I feel like I have achieved nothing.  There is no progress and I get disappointed about my lack of discipline. 

The late Octavia E. Butler is quoted as saying forget inspiration, habit is more important and will be there when inspiration leaves you.   That was a paraphrase.  I don't know where she said or wrote this.  I don't know how long I have been attempting to establish a habit.  I think it kind of started when I realized that I won't be a celebrity author.  I accepted that I would always have a day job/side job to supplement my writing and internet life.  That may have been the start of my dark days period. The Dark Days are an essay for another blog/website.    

Recently I have shrugged off the negative feelings, accepted that I messed up and I will try again.  I haven‘t given up with the 100 days approach either.  I just have to find the right methods to achieve the ultimate goal. I know I have wrote this before as long as I am alive and in reasonable good health.  I will attempt to make my life better.  My life improvements will inspire others to attempt life changes as well. 

                                                                                                              

            

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