Days 56-60

Things Went Wrong

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

This essay is about the state of the mind. I started to think about this post on Sabbath (Saturday).  I have had a major setback.  I stopped following the plan.  I tried to reestablish the schedule but I was not able to do it.  The weather has been horrible in NYC.  It turned out I needed my fat to keep warm. That is a useless excuse.  I fell behind because it was easy, so devilishly easy. I stopped reminding myself that I should be working on my better body, overall health and well-being.  I did the math and if I was diligent, I would be happier at my achievement. Now I am just forty days from day 100, April 20, 2015. I want to be depressed but I keep thinking that there is time for change.  It won’t be the original desired objective but it will be something because I would be breaking old damaging habits and establishing healthier ones.

My worst habit, is that I could stay up all night.  I hate early mornings.  I always have since I was a kid.  I wrote an essay on it the hatred of mornings, I was in 6^th grade; I was eleven years old.  Late nights, which are really early morning, ironic I know are a good time for me.  The world is quiet enough for me to think, on a good night.  On bad nights, I binge watch whatever catches my fancy- anime, asian dramas, syfy shows, Youtube. I am exhausted  and uncreative during the day.  I used to delude myself and say it was research on how stories are being made. I do analyze but most of the time it is procrastination or fear of not being enough.  I don't get the things I need done; I can't stick to the schedule.  My real life and the internet life clash brutally.  By the end of the week, I feel like I have achieved nothing.  There is no progress and I get disappointed about my lack of discipline. 

The late Octavia E. Butler is quoted as saying forget inspiration, habit is more important and will be there when inspiration leaves you.   That was a paraphrase.  I don't know where she said or wrote this.  I don't know how long I have been attempting to establish a habit.  I think it kind of started when I realized that I won't be a celebrity author.  I accepted that I would always have a day job/side job to supplement my writing and internet life.  That may have been the start of my dark days period. The Dark Days are an essay for another blog/website.    

Recently I have shrugged off the negative feelings, accepted that I messed up and I will try again.  I haven‘t given up with the 100 days approach either.  I just have to find the right methods to achieve the ultimate goal. I know I have wrote this before as long as I am alive and in reasonable good health.  I will attempt to make my life better.  My life improvements will inspire others to attempt life changes as well. 

                                                                                                              

            

Please Leave a Comment