23

As I get older, I feel the need to sleep more and more. When I was younger, I hated naps and now I crave them. I like it when my head is clear and my thoughts aren't fuzzy. It happens more than I would like to admit.  If fucks with the creativity. The real shame is that I am in my mid 30's. Hence a major lifestyle change.

I am now in my late 30's.  I am not as tired as I used to be.  I am still stress and not as creative as I would like.  I want 6 hours  day but will settle for 3.  In a 24hr period that doesn't seem like a lot until you factor in a life with family and obligations.  

I am presently unemployed that does not mean I don't work.  I work everyday at something.  I just don't get the same compensation or tax benefit others may get.  I would like to sit on my butt all day but that hasn't gone to well for me.   In my last post, I gave myself a month to change a negative into a positive.  I meant to lose a pound or 10 instead the only progress I have made so far is not to be as tired.  I make myself get out of bed  everyday by 8am.  Some of you might say that is not an accomplishment but you have to understand, on some days I used to get out of bed at 3pm.  Looking back I can see the depression.  I just didn't know it for what it was.  I just called it the trap.  

So many people get trapped in lives  and habits they don't want.  They struggle to get out of it, to understand what is going on.  They know something is wrong and they believe they should do something.   Some times the thing they do work, too  often it doesn't and we get lost.  
I am still lost.  Knowing is not the only part of the answer, It only means you are not surprised if shit hits the fan

I am planning that by the  8th of August I will have better news for this blog.   I am also hoping to have more readership.  

22 - The 30 day challenge

I am trying to re-organize again. One of my problems is I don't get 6-8 hours at night.  I don't think I'm insomniac either.  Which is an extra frustration.   I live an unhealthy life and my meager attempts and changing my lifestyle are not working.  I get discouraged, distracted and upset that I am not meeting any positive goals.    I even hate whining about it.   There are many posts are about me not reaching the goals, I have set out for myself.   That ripple hits every aspect of my life and the consequences are boundless.   I haven't posted a blog here in a while.  This was supposed to be my life changing healthy blog.  I was supposed to post new things here everyday.

I don't know if I will be able to keep up.  One thing I know is that I give myself to much rope to hang myself with.  So instead of 100 days.  I declared myself 30 days for significant change, starting today July 7th on a Monday and ending  on August 7th on a Thursday.  My goal is to eat healthier meals and stick to a meal plan.  It may cost more than I will like to admit but I have to do something.  I can't wait for the blessing of change without making an effort.

21

This is a significant number for me. It is the day I was born and how old I was when I became a mother.   I never really liked it because it wasn't even.  I prefer even numbers to odd.  This brief post will be about nothing to important.   I make to many promises and vows on this blog.  It is horrible.  I am currently re-evaluating everything again.  This 100 days goal is bust and I am the only one to blame.  I don't plan and follow through properly.  I let other ppl and my own issues get in the way.  I always think I can take the consequences but that is never the real case.  I can't handle shit.

I met people who are doing what they love and loving what they do.  I want to be jealous of them but I am not I just don't want to feel like my life is lacking.  I don't want others to look at my life and where I live and think, oh, how sad.  

I am digressing.  This blog is important to me.  Posting here about achievements and positive change is important to me.  So I will reflect on the choices and the plans I am making and if I am able I will do better.