A year from Now you may wish
You had started Today
-Karen Lamb
I sometimes wish I had an
expert to come and help me plan and organize all the things that are effing up
my life. Of course since I know all this
shit has to start with me, I continue to struggle with the trying live
healthier, be creative, and feel accomplished at the end of the day or week,
with middling success.
When I started this blog,
I was in a really bad mood. Last week I wrote
my downward spiral mood away. That was
not my plan today but it seemed to be working along with music. I am listening to music and Lily Allen’s Fuck
You came on and yes it made me feel ten times better than I have in hours. I thought I would be listing all my
failures but that is not what is going on today.
On Tuesday, I will
initiate early morning again. This will
be mean early nights. I was good for
about 3 weeks. I stopped last week for
reasons I will not go into. There are more things than this project that I
am leaving undone. There are at least 5
audio books I have yet to finish listening too.
More than 10 books I have started and haven’t finished reading, over 100
book bought digitally that I have yet to read. I also have a million magazines
hard and soft copy. I also have a large
number of writing projects in various stages of development. This is my career dream life. Completely on the fritz.
My
health is also something less than desire.
I am overweight, if I go by the charts, I am
grossly obese. Obesity is a factor of sicknesses like diabetes hypertension and heart failure.
In my real life, the
domestic chores are a pain in my ass and piling up. I never wanted to be a housewife. I have issues with being one with no damn
husband, but that is essay for another blog.
Some might think I am
writing out my failures again. Actually
I am just writing out my state of being.
Everything above are true facts. I
am writer with little and no support on being a writer. I would like to take a grammar class to be a
better reader. I wish my minor
connection with certain people would flow into paying employment. It might happen, it might not. I am upset that when I sit down to
write. I feel guilty or I am made to
feel guilty. It is not fair.
I
am tired of not liking my life. This is the honest truth of everything. Lifestyle change, weight-loss, and
organization are things that I believed will help me like my life again and
improve my wellness. At this point my
wellness sucks.
I should insert a lotus
flower in here somewhere. Not going to
happen. Except at the end which is the
signature lotus for the blog.
These woes and middling
successes are my call to arms to myself for myself. I am the only one that can make a
difference. A year from now I want to be
happy with my accomplishments. I am again
starting from scratch. The project will
begin again in November in line with National Novel Writing Month or the
popular name nanowrimo. The place
writers go to find out how much self-abuse they can take. I want to talk to a smart person lay out all
my woes and get some advice. I will be
looking into it. I will also be praying more.
I don’t do it enough. It that is
the only time I can meditate I have to take it.
I have to fix me or else terrorist win. No one wants that least of all me.
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