Killed before it's time

I decided to evaluate the 100 days project and start it up again Jan. 1.  There will be changes if I keep to my goals.  So I will need to plan things out like an adult.  This reads crazy but I need to make this blog better.  I know I can do it,  If I am given the chance to work.

It is back

I started 100 days again.  Sometime in January I should be pounds lighter and more organized.  I have a lot of things I need to do and I will work on getting them all done.  I found myself in another slump again.  I hate when that happens.  I am already on Day 13.  I haven't made  big changes yet but I have the plans.   Keep optimistic.  Keep working. These are the things I keep telling myself. 

Devil in yoga pants

This is the blog to confess that I am not good at losing weight.  I also realized that I just might be the devil when it comes to other ppl attempting to lose weight.  For major health reasons and over all well being my sister has gone all out in her weight loss campaign; she has a trainer and bought membership in a gym.  I have membership at a gym too, I just never went there.

I know that my eating habits are not great and everyone has a comment on what should be eaten and what should not.  I have strict vegans and newly converted vegetarians in my family they all get on my nerves.  I also have complete food snobs meaning ppl who turn their nose at any food prepared by someone else who is not them.  Luckily I don't live with them.


The point is that although all these ppl who love me, want me to lose weight, be healthy and financially stable believe their advise is helping.  It actually makes me want to rebel against it all.  I become my own worst enemy and instead of eating the salad and tuna I planned.  I scarf down two slices of pizza and a milk shake.

A celebrity once said she got fat by herself and she planned to lose her weight by herself.  I like her sentiment and I understand how she feels.  I wonder if I will ever be able to say these things to my family and friends who I love.   .
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3 weeks deep

Statement:
The overall goal of this project is to help lost individuals change their lives for better.
A set time limit to improve, achieve create.


The idea came to me four or five years ago.  a hundred days is roughly three months, enough time I thought to change habits.
The time limit for 100 days project IX is May 13, 2013 to August 20, 2013.
It is significant because my birthday is August 21.  I want to look good and feel good. 
There are 3 major goals I need to accomplish.

The first is becoming healthier by loosing 40lbs.  3 weeks deep I am already at a disadvantage but I don't mind because any loss of weight maintained for more than 2 weeks is a success for me.  As it stands now I am above 200lbs. and I want and need to be under that.
I have several good reasons why I have to loose weight the major reasons are health and vanity.


The second goal is to change my living environment.  I have clung to so much stuff in my past, bad habits and useless things.  Every time I have moved I tried to take everything I could with me.  I have a lot of things that should have found a new home with other people, recycling or landfill.   My environment needs to be cleaned and rearranged for living instead of being a place where a person can sleep sometimes. 

The third goal is to improve and maintain my every day well being.   Me you health is giving me useful tips and challenges to achieve this.   I need to complete all and connect with them at least twice a week.

Interesting enough all my goals are tied together somehow. 

End of 100 days VI

Hey y'all after some consulting with my fatty calender. I realized the 100 day project VI had ended. The result was nothing was accomplished. I bitched and whined about everything else. Truth is I didn't stay motivated and I didn't keep to the plan. The naked truth was I had no plan. I just wanted to try different "healthy things" and hope I was getting better. I tried to start a support group within family it did not work. I got discouraged, then lazy. 

Realizations
I now know that I have to have a plan and I have to keep it. I need to make it flexible but that does not mean forget all together.
I need to use the things I bought (a reformer, excercise tape, workout journal) to become healthy. I need to incorporate good changes in my life, with the same ease I accepted the bad.  I need to find a way to sleep 8 hours every night instead of the 10 or 12 binge sleeps I do after staying up 1 or 2 days.
I need to remind myself of that shit everyday for the next three months. I need to make and keep major decisions.
The first decision is that I need to rename the 100 days blog. If possible it will just be 100 days projects - create, inspire, achieve: do better or bust. I will tag or label which project numeral it is from now on.  I want this to work. I need this to work.  This is happening at the first laptop I get to. 

So this is goodbye.
VI was a good one; II-V were heart and head aches. I completely forgot about 100 days project I.  I will close this blog. To create a new one with improved objectives. I had no clue if this was read or not but I am glad I put the effort out there to have it.

Peace

Eleven

This day is close to 100, not sure where ut will look it up.  What went wrong with the progect? Why did everything go off the rails?
I know I didn't define my goals, I didn't give myself milestones to achieve. I lost motivation and hence direction.  When 100 days IX starts and it will b/c I have to complete at least one, I think I will post the goals and methods to attain them. I will attempt to gain support from other but if that doesn't happen. Eff them.  I am doing what I need to do to be happy.

Short but is it cute?

To answer my title question no. Not cute at all.  I am at the moment deliberating about my weight gain. Being told by some that I look like I am sliming down some days and others I should say moo. 
Today is a moo day for me and I don't like it but at a loss at how to make it un-cow.  To tell the truth sometimes feeling like cow works for me. Cows care about their calves and eating. I have one kid and sometimes puting out the effort to be less cow and more person is a lot. It also doesn't help that I am single.

100 days 4ever

If this keeps up, I will be doing the 100-days 100. I have yet to complete the 100 day goal. I should be more depressed but I'm not just frustrated with my procrastination.
While contemplating what I am doing with my life and my choices, I realized I have FUBAR'd more than I have achieved.  I am in 6 feet of debt and since I am only 4'11" I see no way out before I am 80.
I want to be happy and optimistic about this shit and usually I have the mind set anything can happen as long as you are alive.  Change can happen.  But I was deep in my depression cup when I started this blog.  Nothing seemed like it would change and be good.  Not much improvement has happened either.  I just don't feel like total crap anymore.  How is that for optimism.

IDK

I am posting because I want to. I lost track and I don't know where I am in the 100 -days. I should be pissed but I am cool with it. Other serious things happened, it made keeping track useless. But since I know the days are not done. I will try to do better and get myself goal orientated.  Xxoo

Six

Funny thing happened these past 6 days or so. Family came to visit b/c the situation required it.  The only bummer is that I have work most of their time here.  A sib and I were talking about the 100-days project and she was actually interested. I decided to start small. One week at a time. 7days adding up to 100. New year, new plan.

Many 100 days Past

Since I came up with the 100-days concept more than 200 days have past. I have started 6 100-days blogs, this one is actually  the 7th or 8th. I have yet to reach any chosen goal.  I loved the concept. I was overwhelmed with the inspiration. And I wanted joiners. The joiners were for encouragement and to maintain a positive circuit. I wanted all of us to help keep each other stay on track. Our goals did not have to be the same. We were to be the support we didn't have from others.  For example, an overweight person trying to lose wight could get support from a person looking for a job and vice versa. I thought it all could be done with cell phones using texts and other messaging crap. 

Obviously the plan was not thought out enough or eye-catching enough to bring ppl in.  The second 100-days project was for me to show everyone how it worked by myself.  I am not a self starter; I like advance monetary incentives.  Therefore my plan went to down the tubes.  Did I mention that I am my Own Worst Enemy? 

I want to say that it won't happen again, but it will b/c I am not as driven as I should be.

Odds and no endings

This blog was suppose to be about charting the path to positive personal change.  That has not happened yet.  I am working on it, forever working on.  In the meanwhile, I will clear my head.

What are the things I don't like about myself.  Like the large majority of this nation and first world countries, I am overweight.  I don't like it but I am not going out of my way to change it either. 
I am generally lazy and I don't like to suffer to much.   I learned from the JC, a weight-loss company and program that to effectively lose weight you must make and follow plans on what to eat and how to work out.   I found that to be very difficult.  Due to my own stubbornness and the ppl around me.  The more they gave me weight-loss advice and encouragement that had a faint brush of sarcasm.  I got belligerent and my positive outcome went to crap.  So there it is, I am my own worst enemy. 

This is where I usually write a positive optimistic paragraph.  In which I promise to do better and make the changes I need to make b/c I am alive dammit and able to make those changes that will benefit my life. 
With that said I will either save or publish this post.  I am going to publish it although it is an uneven number blog.  I have a thing about odd numbers.  Which is stupid b/c born on an uneven day and year but even month. 

I usually save my post waiting for a better ending to come from thin air.  It never happens and my poor post become out-dated, for me.  I eventually delete them.