21

This is a significant number for me. It is the day I was born and how old I was when I became a mother.   I never really liked it because it wasn't even.  I prefer even numbers to odd.  This brief post will be about nothing to important.   I make to many promises and vows on this blog.  It is horrible.  I am currently re-evaluating everything again.  This 100 days goal is bust and I am the only one to blame.  I don't plan and follow through properly.  I let other ppl and my own issues get in the way.  I always think I can take the consequences but that is never the real case.  I can't handle shit.

I met people who are doing what they love and loving what they do.  I want to be jealous of them but I am not I just don't want to feel like my life is lacking.  I don't want others to look at my life and where I live and think, oh, how sad.  

I am digressing.  This blog is important to me.  Posting here about achievements and positive change is important to me.  So I will reflect on the choices and the plans I am making and if I am able I will do better.

Guilt

Again I have failed at this 100 days thing.  I apologize to my non  readers. I am also disgusted with myself.  I have no self discipline to stay on track.  It is terrible to realize that about yourself.  I have been neglecting this blogs because I had no structure and nothing interesting to write.  I also don't even know if this blog is public or what.  I am clueless at running a successful blog and I stupidly want to start an ezine.  

Okay enough of the whine fest.  I would like to say that I am giving this blog a breather.
But I think I have done that enough.  The pro is that I have identified my problems, the cons I have not found an effective way of dealing with them.  So I backslide a lot.  The only thing I have been consistent with is the 1k campaign on twitter.   I gave the campaign until September, in just four months I will stop asking for followers and I think I might link it to my blogs.  I just haven't figured out which one will do it.  I might just link all of them b/c I am that kind of paranoid.  If I am lucky eventually I will find my way.  I am going to be 39 this year. By next year if the world has not gone crazier, I want to say something better when I am 40.

Dang!!!!

I am so off track.  It has happen again. I have left the 100 days project. I have my reasons of course, but the main cause is that I don't work these things out fully.  I bitch about no change and make no efforts to make these changes.  I hate facing the truth and I hate being failure.  Dang, Dang, Dang!!!  When I started this project,  it was suppose to be about weight loss and writing my novel.   : (

I didn't get far.  Some days I was good but most days I was bad.  Sometimes I questioned my resolve. Sometimes I put myself in a negative thought pattern.  I know what is good for me, why can't I act on it.

I am tired of being sorry.  I just what to deal with what is happening.  Believe it world there is a lot of shit happening.   The world wants to go to hell with gasoline draws and I can't fix my personal life.    This week  I was able to post on my blogs. Next week I might not remember them until the following week,  I also want to post an ezine sometime this year. Before someone else gets the epiphany and succeeds.