This is the BOOM!!!

Reflections of the past year for me personally are not as great as I would have hoped.  As usual my start then stop then start again method has not worked as well as I hoped.  I thought I would be writing about Life changes, Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards Men with cookies, instead I am evaluating everything about my writing.  This blog is supposed to be a chronicle about being healthy and creating positive habits.  Many posts are me not getting it right.  I like to think I have written about being consistent.  The only consistent thing I have done for the whole year is apologize for not getting my shit together. 

I still won’t give up on the 100 day project.  I have been reviewing my blog posts.  The idea is to see where I have been leading this blog astray.  Where can I improve?  How to be consistent?  I notice that every post is like a standalone declaration of a major procrastinator.   I want my blogs and my posts in them to flow together like a well-made machine.   I know I don’t give any of them the time they need.  I have a real life, an internet life and a make-believe life, {I am a writer of fiction} none of my lives complement each other.  Every time devote attention to one the other is neglected, I feel bad for not keeping up.   I know this sounds like a multiple-persons disorder but it really isn't.  I wasn’t able to make my dream job, my real life career, the repercussions have been astounding, and I am still reeling from it.    This is a very personal truth, I welcomed being depressed about my life for a long time.  I hated myself and I saw no other way to live.  No light at the end of the tunnel, no journey’s end and definitely no Happy Ever After. 

I didn't expect or think about a Good For Now. I didn’t want to believe that is what I was doing existing and waiting to be seen by someone. It went against my feminist ideals. It was such a bad state of mind.  I was a mess and I don’t really know when I decided this was not the way to live.  It could be about 2009 or a little before or after, I decided to stop waiting to be saved.  It is a stop and go process but at least I am seeing the devil for what it is. 

In an attempt to change my mindset, negative habits, and environment.  I started the 100 days project.  I have typed this before the origins of the project.  I won’t go into detail now.  Except to write that since this is the season to remember, I will take the time.  I will also be looking at other sites for health, weight loss and overall well-being ideas, tips and advice.  Making the conscious choice to change and make the life I want.  My title is This is the Boom!!!.  the explosion or the red mushroom cloud is a sign I like to give that there will be major changes in the future when possible.  The peach lotus is the signature of this blog and the hope that things will work out, the way they are supposed to.  xxoo.

Good News Everyone!!!!

Yes, I am quoting Professor Farnsworth of Futurama.  I weighed in today and I am 3lbs less than I was last week.   This may seem insignificant.  But I like to take my small blessings where I can find them.  I am still calorie counting and I am continue to walk daily.  I might also extend the walks to the weekend.  I need to increase activity.   This will probably mean an exercise routine.  I have most likely whined about this before.  I hate the idea of exercise.  I don’t think I have said that.  I try to find ways to sound positive about the express my apprehension and lack of motivation in words that don’t make me sound like a lazy monkey. 

I can’t remember if I typed this before but I took a test on Facebook, I was graded at 77% lazy.  I was Homer Simpson on the couch.  Sometimes I feel like Homer and sometimes I am Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time.  It would be great if I could draw this characters and use them as fan art but I can’t draw a straight line.  So I borrowed these images from the internet.  Please do not sue me.  I have nothing but my kid. 

The plan for this week is too extend walk regimen. I have viewed some exercise plans and I have not decided which will work best for me.  I do believe I am in denial.  Some days are great.  Some days suck.  Today went better than I thought it would.  This week’s Tuesday was the worse.  I didn’t walk.  So Wednesday was out of this world bad.  Now that I think about it.  Every Monday is like I am starting all over again.  New plan the walk regimen has to include the weekend.   I now I sound crazy.  The flow of words seem unbalanced. That is because I am making them up as I go along.  This is the truth.   I know there is problem, I don’t want to face it.  Okay back to denial.  I will do my best to update at the end of week.  Just like I am doing Today.      This 100days project is wobbly but it is still up and running.      

27 Work in Progress

I thought writing out my issues with this new project, would help me find focus and a resolution. I would also have a post for this blog.  One of my most neglected accounts.  These are the word of a struggling writer with a goal of losing weight. 

There has been over 10 100-days self improvement projects.  I came up with the idea in 2009 or close to it.  I have personally introduced six of them.  I cancelled a blog or two before this one.  All failed  miserably and I go through this process of self pity and excuses.  Eventually I get over it, type an apology blog and start again.  

One of the many pitfalls of the other failed improvement projects is that there was never a clear plan.  I think and sometimes wrote about a vague ideas. But nothing was ever concrete.  

While I am coming up with my plan that will eventually become routine.  I wake up a 5am, pray, stretch, and write morning pages.  I might have to adjust my wake up time and give myself an extra 15 minutes.  I walk  7 and 1/2 blocks away from home, then walk 4 blocks to the Dunkin Donuts.   This is not an endorsement of the place.   It is just a way for me to trick myself the extra blocks.  I know my destination should be healthier me but cup of coffee is a better motivator. 

I have breakfast, a medium coffee and count calories.  I record  as much as I can, steps and burned calories.  I write or read about writing, then walk back home.  This takes about 3 hours, it doesn't have to but I have made it part of my routine.  I need time to find the creative writer I know I can be. But that story is for the other blog I have on Blogger. 

At home I do domestic stuff, clean, cook etc. with the walk-mate attached to my hip.  For the past two weeks,  I have burned 4313 calories.  My problem is that I am sure I eat more calories than I am burning.  In my last big attempt to loose weight I  joined a weight loss program. I was told that until I reached my weight goal, I should eat 1600 calories a day.  I was given prepared food and a menu.  Alas my finances wasn't able to keep my membership.  I left the group.  Finances are something else I have to make part of future project. 

I read over what I have been doing and what I want to achieve.  I see that I have to be more involved with my meal plan and I will probably have to meld an exercise plan in the routine along with the walking.  Maybe walk to a coffee shop farther away from my house.   I haven't made a final decision on it yet.  But it will be coming soon. 

In the next couple of weeks I will be coming up with a better way to conclude this blog until then enjoy this rainbow tree. 

Mind The Gap

I have had a set back.  It is good that I have recognized it.

However I am at a loss at how to change the path of my lifestyle.  I have all these suggestion and they completely irritate me to no end.  I know that everyone is trying to be helpful but I can't help but see it as mockery.  
So just to show them that I can't be controlled I did a marathon watch on netflix of my favorite shows.  I found some new to me and interesting anime that I have me watching.  I am also trying to watch some old stuff, I never gave a chance.  Sorry I am digressing this is not the the blog.  This blog is about becoming healthy. Increasing my every day well being.  Improving my health to improve my life over all.  

So I know that I just stole someone's logo.  But this is one my many goals.  I am part of the daily challenge energy track.  I also need to be honest about my faults, I have several bad habits that has hindered this whole projects for years.  The first one is that I am horrible lazy the little cat should really look like this 

I am a leo after all.

Fortunately, it is Sunday and I have a whole week to make change.  I will be looking through back issues of the health magazines I have collected. Figure out my stats for next entry and a 1660 calories meal plan.  I am also going to look through different  weight loss plans.  I will not try them all. I am only giving myself 100 days on this deadline is January 20 2014.  If the world doesn't end expect significant change.  

26 the Rant

I am posting just to say I did it.  I have a nicer more positive entry for later on this week.  Today I am tired.  I feel less creative than I have in  a long while and I know part of it is because I am tired.  Three weeks ago, I was doing good.  I was going to bed at a reasonable hour and I was waking at a good time in the morning.  I was able to accomplish some of the things that I needed to get done.  I went to bed feeling like I didn't let the week pass me by.  It was a great feeling.  However I have had a setback since then.  My old useless habits came back  and I wasn't able to get myself back on track. I am upset about that.

I want to change I want to be better, healthier happier.  My body is just not complying with my wishes. This going to be a short entry.

 

25

Trying to maintain 2 blogs and 2 websites is hard work.  Trying to achieve overall well-being is also another trial by fire.  I need stop using the word trying.  I think it implies failure.  This is brief post on what is happening or not happening.  I had a setback.  Yes it happened after the reset post.  I am still spinning.   So what to do and how to I fix it.  

I think I can.  I want to be even though I am still murky. These revelations only come to me on Thursdays.  I might use it as a momentous day for a momentous event.  
First I am recognizing there is a problem.   This is what this post is about.  Seeing the problem for what it is.  Strategy will be my next post.  So  I open to suggestions.  Is anyone reading this?  

The challenge is to achieve overall well being.  The time limit is the 100 days.  This is my 100 days project blog.  Cross your fingers. 

24 Update Reset

I have heard some sad news.  I won't go into detail b/c I don't know if this is private or public.  I can't remember.  I should have paid more attention when I set these blogs up.  I was fascinated in just posting.  Healthy wise I am worse than when I started.  Emotionally I am low now but that may improve.  My work environment sucks.  So my over all well being is .... w/shrug meh.  

What to do now? ... ... ....
I let you guys down I should have posted weekly as promised.  That is the update.  This is the reset. 

The peach lotus.  I can't remember when I copied this flower.  I saw someone else using it recently I was totally pissed about.  Anyhow digressing sorry.  The lotus has significant meaning in different cultures all over the world.  I focused a little more on the eastern meanings.  The lotus is a water lily; a beautiful heart stopping flower out of the dirtiest waters.   
People couldn't help but make correlation with life.  Become something better out of the disaster that is life.  I have been collecting pictures of flowers for a while.  I am partial to sunflowers and tulips but I always have to have a lotus of some kind.  

These two are some of my favorites.   

Reset.  

23

As I get older, I feel the need to sleep more and more. When I was younger, I hated naps and now I crave them. I like it when my head is clear and my thoughts aren't fuzzy. It happens more than I would like to admit.  If fucks with the creativity. The real shame is that I am in my mid 30's. Hence a major lifestyle change.

I am now in my late 30's.  I am not as tired as I used to be.  I am still stress and not as creative as I would like.  I want 6 hours  day but will settle for 3.  In a 24hr period that doesn't seem like a lot until you factor in a life with family and obligations.  

I am presently unemployed that does not mean I don't work.  I work everyday at something.  I just don't get the same compensation or tax benefit others may get.  I would like to sit on my butt all day but that hasn't gone to well for me.   In my last post, I gave myself a month to change a negative into a positive.  I meant to lose a pound or 10 instead the only progress I have made so far is not to be as tired.  I make myself get out of bed  everyday by 8am.  Some of you might say that is not an accomplishment but you have to understand, on some days I used to get out of bed at 3pm.  Looking back I can see the depression.  I just didn't know it for what it was.  I just called it the trap.  

So many people get trapped in lives  and habits they don't want.  They struggle to get out of it, to understand what is going on.  They know something is wrong and they believe they should do something.   Some times the thing they do work, too  often it doesn't and we get lost.  
I am still lost.  Knowing is not the only part of the answer, It only means you are not surprised if shit hits the fan

I am planning that by the  8th of August I will have better news for this blog.   I am also hoping to have more readership.  

22 - The 30 day challenge

I am trying to re-organize again. One of my problems is I don't get 6-8 hours at night.  I don't think I'm insomniac either.  Which is an extra frustration.   I live an unhealthy life and my meager attempts and changing my lifestyle are not working.  I get discouraged, distracted and upset that I am not meeting any positive goals.    I even hate whining about it.   There are many posts are about me not reaching the goals, I have set out for myself.   That ripple hits every aspect of my life and the consequences are boundless.   I haven't posted a blog here in a while.  This was supposed to be my life changing healthy blog.  I was supposed to post new things here everyday.

I don't know if I will be able to keep up.  One thing I know is that I give myself to much rope to hang myself with.  So instead of 100 days.  I declared myself 30 days for significant change, starting today July 7th on a Monday and ending  on August 7th on a Thursday.  My goal is to eat healthier meals and stick to a meal plan.  It may cost more than I will like to admit but I have to do something.  I can't wait for the blessing of change without making an effort.

21

This is a significant number for me. It is the day I was born and how old I was when I became a mother.   I never really liked it because it wasn't even.  I prefer even numbers to odd.  This brief post will be about nothing to important.   I make to many promises and vows on this blog.  It is horrible.  I am currently re-evaluating everything again.  This 100 days goal is bust and I am the only one to blame.  I don't plan and follow through properly.  I let other ppl and my own issues get in the way.  I always think I can take the consequences but that is never the real case.  I can't handle shit.

I met people who are doing what they love and loving what they do.  I want to be jealous of them but I am not I just don't want to feel like my life is lacking.  I don't want others to look at my life and where I live and think, oh, how sad.  

I am digressing.  This blog is important to me.  Posting here about achievements and positive change is important to me.  So I will reflect on the choices and the plans I am making and if I am able I will do better.

Guilt

Again I have failed at this 100 days thing.  I apologize to my non  readers. I am also disgusted with myself.  I have no self discipline to stay on track.  It is terrible to realize that about yourself.  I have been neglecting this blogs because I had no structure and nothing interesting to write.  I also don't even know if this blog is public or what.  I am clueless at running a successful blog and I stupidly want to start an ezine.  

Okay enough of the whine fest.  I would like to say that I am giving this blog a breather.
But I think I have done that enough.  The pro is that I have identified my problems, the cons I have not found an effective way of dealing with them.  So I backslide a lot.  The only thing I have been consistent with is the 1k campaign on twitter.   I gave the campaign until September, in just four months I will stop asking for followers and I think I might link it to my blogs.  I just haven't figured out which one will do it.  I might just link all of them b/c I am that kind of paranoid.  If I am lucky eventually I will find my way.  I am going to be 39 this year. By next year if the world has not gone crazier, I want to say something better when I am 40.

Dang!!!!

I am so off track.  It has happen again. I have left the 100 days project. I have my reasons of course, but the main cause is that I don't work these things out fully.  I bitch about no change and make no efforts to make these changes.  I hate facing the truth and I hate being failure.  Dang, Dang, Dang!!!  When I started this project,  it was suppose to be about weight loss and writing my novel.   : (

I didn't get far.  Some days I was good but most days I was bad.  Sometimes I questioned my resolve. Sometimes I put myself in a negative thought pattern.  I know what is good for me, why can't I act on it.

I am tired of being sorry.  I just what to deal with what is happening.  Believe it world there is a lot of shit happening.   The world wants to go to hell with gasoline draws and I can't fix my personal life.    This week  I was able to post on my blogs. Next week I might not remember them until the following week,  I also want to post an ezine sometime this year. Before someone else gets the epiphany and succeeds.

Again II

I have messed up with this blog again.  The 100 days project has gotten away from me in a bad way,again.  Missteps like posting day 17 blog on day 35. Now on day 42, I have not made any significant change it is totally sickening.   I know I whine too much about these things.  I know the next should say that I lost 5lbs and kept it off.  What I am saying is the gym I never go to is letting me come back it I pay a small fee.  I am seriously considering it b/c I know I have to do something.   Another bummer for me is the urge to write is leaving.  So end this post.

17

This just in.  I learned some other woman is using the  100 days model.  She is bolder than me.  She has a work out video and it has gone viral.  I have never seen them but that is what Yahoo said.  I don't know how I feel about it.  If she is successful in her efforts, I should be happy but I think I will be jealous.  She is achieving in something I am having trouble with for years.  How to maintain the 100 days.

Last month,  I decided to work on eating a 1600 calorie day meal plan.  I failed miserably when at 7:30am, January 9, 2014, 7 jelly-top, cream-filled cookies made their way to my stomach.  The British call them jammie dodgers.  Yes, I am blaming the food b/c they can't talk back.  2 of those bad boys are 140 calories.  So before I had my morning coffee, I  was down 490 calories.  This has been a dilemma for me.
 This week I was seduced by the Tex/Mex dish known as haystacks.  This dish can be made in a variety of ways. However, I went the non-healthy route, using ground turkey, regular tortilla chips and whole milk sour cream and store-bought guacamole.  I haven't counted the calories.  I know that they are horrendous.

1600 calories are hard for me.  I know I have to work to get the body  I want.  I am just reluctant about that work.  I am so frustrated about my lack of motivation.  This week coming is all about motivation.  I lack motivation and I don't think about the important tasks I have to do to achieve my overall goals.  In fact, this is Wednesday and the rest of this week will be about motivation as well.   I also owe this blog to another post.  I want to complain about my work or the lack of it. But won't do it today.  Distractions.

8 Days In

This blog was about the struggle with improving myself. I wanted to present the problem, whine about the tasks, complete them, wonder about the results and baskin the accolades of achievement.  My biggest mistake was realizing I suck at self motivation.  One of my major bad habits and well being is my weight.  I am over 200 lbs and under 5 feet.  There fore I resemble round things.  I would like to say a butter ball but that is not exactly true.  I have 4 sizes of jeans and  a shit load of clothes I don't wear b/c they doesn't fit me. I am frustrated by every picture I take.
Here are some of the things I know about myself:

Thing #1 - not a self motivator.
Thing #2 - always thought of self as fat
Thing #3 - If given a choice, prefers a nocturnal lifestyle.
Thing #4 - not a vampire,
Thing #5- weight is effecting wellness
Thing #6 - wellness effects work
Thing #7 - Well-being needs a overhaul.

All these things make my life difficult.  Most are fixable and one is make-believe.  8 days in the 100 days challenge and no significant change.  I got stuck.  This post was suppose to be more inspirational  than the whine fest it is becoming.  This is why I should write post out before typing online.  This might be the last blog I do this too.   I just had to post something here and I needed to be truthful and funny.