60 The Re-re-re-launch

Take good care of  your body, its the only place you have to live.

-Jim Rohn

This quote and the other favorite by Karen Lamb will most likely be used interchangeable more often in the coming year, I have to keep them in mind to keep my resolve.  I will most likely add quotes of motivation because that is an issue when attempting the 100 days projects.  It is the end of the year and I would love to say that I have succeeded in all that I had endeavored to do in 2015 but I can’t.  Overall I am happy to be alive and I have not given up on myself.    I refuse to wallow in melancholy; it is one of my goals to no longer post essays of failure.  It is impossible not to mention setbacks, however there will be no whining about “reasons” or other complaints of life.  With those words stated, it is safe to say that I have written and posted several essays with limited words of failure. I hope that sentence made sense. 

It is now the last day of the year.  I had plans to post on all the website/blogs but only 100 days and the flagship were able to post an essay.    The real life and internet life clashing again.  I spent a week in the hospital with my mom.  It threw my scattered schedule of writing off and changing this is one of the many goals I will be altering.  Positive lifestyle change is my overall goal for 2016 100-days project; the side effect will be efficient activities, tasks, weight loss, improved health/wellness and a great sense of accomplishment.  The project will begin on January 3^rd 2016 and end on April 9^th, 2016; It is a little bit over three months and short fourteen weeks.  It has been said that it takes 28 days to for a habit.  Hopefully by the end of this project I will have three new positive habits that will improve my life.  The woman in the picture above has a lot to answer too.   It is time for results and in this particular case positive results. 

Allons-y!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL!!!

59

If you do not tell the truth about yourself

you cannot tell it about other people. 

-Virginia Woolf 

The month of November was supposed to be the beginning of the next 100 days project.  I have postponed it until next year. The holidays are the worst time of year to change a lifestyle.  There is so much to do and so much to plan. There is also the feels; emotions runs high, overwhelm people in good and bad ways.   I wanted to be on a better life schedule before the holidays.  It got snagged by the little things and they became bigger things.   I decided it will be better for my wellbeing to be honest about what I want to accomplish with the 100 days project. 

First I want to live heathier and lose weight.  According to information on many health websites and magazines. I am dangerously obese.   I am under 5 feet in height and over 200lbs in weight.  I borderline on hypertension and diabetes.  I have to handle the situation now before it gets worse.  Losing weight is a good start but it is my whole lifestyle that is causing the problem. I hate having to mention all of this on an essay.  Other people have bared all and worst on the internet but I am not that kind of person and I never wanted to be.   I want my online life and real life to work together.  I don’t believe that everything has to be online. Some things need to be forgotten or only remembered by a few.

My life is complicated and unhealthy it is not good for me to continue this way.  I know this and everyone is telling me this.  It can trigger a certain kind of bad habit on my part, I get belligerent.  No has to tell me what is wrong with me when I know and live with it every day. 

Second I am a writer.  I want to complete works of fiction, sell them and live comfortably.  I have always told myself stories.  I decided to be a writer over 25 years ago. I didn’t pursue it because I was often told.  Have something to fall back on.  I was so busy with my day job that I almost lost my way to creativity.  Two years ago, after reading and listening to some great and some really bad works of fiction. I decided to do what I have always wanted to. I want to write and sell fiction. I want to entertain and inspire others to do great things.  I want to be recognized by the world as a writer.  I have gotten positive feedback from some of my work being made public.  So I will do my best to make my brand. 

Third my environment is always in disarray.  It is basically a downer.  I know that the only way it can change is if I change it.  After dealing with familial things I don’t have the energy to make my environment efficient.  I don’t have the motivation to do what has to be done.  It is a super lame excuse but there it is.  That is one of my many ugly truths. 

Last I want to be comfortable in the life that I am living.  I don’t want regrets and I don’t want to feel like all I am doing is existing.  I need 30 days to be make myself glad to be up in the day; another 30 days to follow an exercise regimen; another 30 days to make my environment efficient and 10 days to make a schedule and stick to.  No pressure. 

14 Weeks Ago

Brutal Honesty

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

 This  how I feel. The truly shitty part is that I did it to myself.   Despite the title, it has been two weeks since the end of the last 100 days cycle.  It was a miserable failure, my lifestyle took a staggering fall back.  My well-being is meh.  All my positive expressions are gone. I got a bad habit lifestyle and it is hard to break. The only upside is that I see it when it is happening.  These days, I can adjust. I know I can’t do cold turkey.  I get belligerent when reminded or told about poor health choices.  It makes me, my own worst enemy. 

So I examined myself as much as I could without cringing.  Since erasing myself and redrawing my body and house is not an option.  I make a plan.   I do everything in my power to stick to that plan.  I also keep to the project going.  

In November, many writers and writer-wannabes are going to start the national novel writing month (nanowrimo), instead of doing this I will be working on my own damn novel and other writing projects. I will also begin the 100 days again.  

I am breaking my personal writing rules.  

Week 13: Day 92

The Almost End 

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

I sometimes wish I had an expert to come and help me plan and organize all the things that are effing up my life.  Of course since I know all this shit has to start with me, I continue to struggle with the trying live healthier, be creative, and feel accomplished at the end of the day or week, with middling success.    

When I started this blog, I was in a really bad mood.  Last week I wrote my downward spiral mood away.  That was not my plan today but it seemed to be working along with music.  I am listening to music and Lily Allen’s Fuck You came on and yes it made me feel ten times better than I have in hours.    I thought I would be listing all my failures but that is not what is going on today. 

On Tuesday, I will initiate early morning again.  This will be mean early nights.  I was good for about 3 weeks.  I stopped last week for reasons I will not go into.   There are more things than this project that I am leaving undone.  There are at least 5 audio books I have yet to finish listening too.  More than 10 books I have started and haven’t finished reading, over 100 book bought digitally that I have yet to read. I also have a million magazines hard and soft copy.   I also have a large number of writing projects in various stages of development.  This is my career dream life.  Completely on the fritz. 

My health is also something less than desire.  I am overweight, if I go by the charts, I am

grossly obese.  Obesity is a factor of sicknesses like diabetes hypertension and heart failure. 

In my real life, the domestic chores are a pain in my ass and piling up.  I never wanted to be a housewife.  I have issues with being one with no damn husband, but that is essay for another blog.  

Some might think I am writing out my failures again.  Actually I am just writing out my state of being.  Everything above are true facts.  I am writer with little and no support on being a writer.  I would like to take a grammar class to be a better reader.  I wish my minor connection with certain people would flow into paying employment.  It might happen, it might not.  I am upset that when I sit down to write.  I feel guilty or I am made to feel guilty.  It is not fair. 

I am tired of not liking my life. This is the honest truth of everything.  Lifestyle change, weight-loss, and organization are things that I believed will help me like my life again and improve my wellness.  At this point my wellness sucks. 

I should insert a lotus flower in here somewhere.  Not going to happen.  Except at the end which is the signature lotus for the blog. 

These woes and middling successes are my call to arms to myself for myself.  I am the only one that can make a difference.  A year from now I want to be happy with my accomplishments.  I am again starting from scratch.  The project will begin again in November in line with National Novel Writing Month or the popular name nanowrimo.  The place writers go to find out how much self-abuse they can take.   I want to talk to a smart person lay out all my woes and get some advice.  I will be looking into it. I will also be praying more.  I don’t do it enough.  It that is the only time I can meditate I have to take it.  I have to fix me or else terrorist win.  No one wants that least of all me.

Week 10: Day 73

Week in Review 

Something went wrong ... Again 

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

I lost track of time again.  The 100 days project got disrupted with life.  So I am a week or so behind.  I have a planner and a general idea of when the project will end the second week in October.  I have a rough idea that 100 days equals to 3 months, today I have realized that it also equals to 14 weeks.   100 days used to sound like so much time for me.  Now I am looking at how big a misconception this was.  Week 12 will definitely be a reassessment of what I am doing.  According to my calendar, this is week ten, if counted from my last post this is week 11.   I am breaking the rules somewhere.  I also don’t want to obsess about the time lost.  I want to work on progress.   Full disclosure there is little progress.  Getting back into the routine has not been easy, actually there isn’t really any routine.  There is the acknowledgement that a good or poor choice is made.  This sounds confusing but this is what my life.  I know I want the project to succeed. I know that maintaining motivation is a problem for me as well as keeping to schedule.  The concept of time has also become an issue to be dealt with.   

The focus of this essay I think is mindset.  It is safe to say that the weekend has affected

my week more than I will like. My desire for a positive Well-being was derailed, along with the essays for this blog.   Since doing the math, it has been realized that I will have to make a schedule and keep to it diligently.   I need flexibility and I have to find ways to make the right choices, when the unexpected occurs.    

This week has been shortened since it was the Labor Day weekend.  I didn’t attend any events celebrating Caribbean culture.  I had a small barbecue that dovetailed with my neighbors.  All was going well up until a certain time, there was an incident. I won’t go into it because I don’t know how to write it out objectively.  One of this essays maybe, I don’t know if I can bare myself like that with anyone and I doubt I can do it with the internet. I don’t want anything haunting me in the next 10 years.

 There has been little or no progress as mentioned above.  This is week in review essay.  So I will say the most interesting this is that sleeping routine has changed.  In attempts to find a golden time to work on writing projects.  I am waking up at 4 or 5 am in the morning.  This also means I am going to sleep earlier at night.  I have yet to organize myself b/c once I am awake so is everyone else in life, it is a little unsettling.  The good thing is that I am sleeping.  I have been able to get some reading done.  Now the trick is to get writing done as well.

I am living this post-it right now.  I have nothing I promised myself 10 years ago.  I take full responsibility for my actions and non-actions.   I am grateful that I have the opportunity to continue to change my life.   The goal is to stay positive pursue the things that will make life easier for all involved.  The weekend is looking meh.  I am hoping the next week along with analysis will be an improvement.  

Week 8: day 52

Week in Review 

A year from Now you may wish,You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

I am feeling those words harder today than any others.  Last year I was optimistic about my future.  Today I am not so sure.  It will no doubt affect my well-being.  My birthday was a mini-deadline.  I didn’t accomplish it and I don’t think I can make 300+words out of this essay.  I am testing myself to write something, if not insightful then introspective.  I don’t do a lot with this blog except write.  I talk about changing and have done little.  So I have little results.  I know I need to make big changes for better benefits, I am trapped in what is easier and faster to accomplish.  This is not a great idea.


The return home was more uneventful that I would have liked.  I sunk into really bad habits.  Not sleeping at night, food journal was lost.  I kept up with the water drinking because it is too not to be hydrated.  I vowed to find an exercise routine and do it; I haven’t been able to do that either.   I have too many things to do and no motivation to  do any of them.   This is disappointing, my vacation was supposed to energize me.  I think because my plans went to shit, financially.  I came back feeling unsettled.  No I want to energy to do the things I need to do and also have the mental energy to create the fictions and essays that I like to write.   Usually this is not supposed to be part of this blog.  Since wellness is a major topic for me here I have included it.  I write for peace of mind and eventually to sell my work to others who will  read and like it.  I have struggled twenty five years almost just to realize this was what I want to.  I was always told that I would need something to fall back on.  While trying to establish the something to fall back on job, I got afraid, lost confidence and desire to show people my work.  

These feelings changed for me last year.  Last year I was in a Do or Die mode and I was ready to put it all on the line.  Whatever I had, I posted some of my fiction and then my mother began the hospital roulette.  She is ill and almost everything month beginning in November 2014, we stayed at the hospital for at least a week.  If that pattern hadn’t changed I wouldn’t have gone on my trip.  I don’t want to write too much about this it because fate may change and we will be there tonight. 

The weather had run our house ragged.  We have had a few heat advisories and it has been a frog-killing temperatures (a story for another blog). We have also had decent weather, it can feel livable outside but inside I wonder if I am in bikram yoga or something. I have sweated a lot but I don’t think it has affected my weight at all.   Even though weight-loss is supposed to be side benefit.  It is the one of markers I have to prove success.  This something I have to work on extensively, there are only forty-eight days left to this challenge.  I can’t let me lose to bad habit me again.  She is a gloating bitch. 

Thinking of success, what are the marker proving that I am improving my life? I have to seriously consider what I will call an achievement and what will be an epic fail.   This post has nothing to review in the week because I didn’t really do much.  I stayed up all night on Tuesday, crashed really badly on Wednesday afternoon.  I have been worrying about a personal problem I will not talk about here. At least I got some of thinking back.  I hate being so exhausted my mental process no longer works.  Most likely on my birthday I will attempt to make the house more livable.  It is driving me insane.  Part of a better lifestyle is a better environment.  I have to fix that almost everywhere in my life.  Yikes where do I start? One day at a time right. Dang that sounded optimistic.  I blame on the movie trailer music I am listening to right now.  I am closing this post with hopes that best wishes are coming my way.  I am ending this post with the desire to fix my life for the better.  

Week 8: Day 48

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

I  went on a mini hiatus, there was no essays for week 6 or 7 because I was not in NYC.  Actually for week 6 I was preparing to go to leave and week 7 I was in Takoma Park MD.  It was the mini break I give myself for my birthday.   I would prefer the time closer to the b-day but circumstances did not allow it.  I needed this vacation, like a starving person needs rice to eat.  I was getting stressed I think it was beginning to show in the things I do.  My writing and my attitude about everything was not good, I was heading for the break down and it would not have been pretty. 

In MD, I didn’t keep to any specific food guidelines.  I don’t think I over did anything either.  However feelings of fullness have plagued me since I arrived home, so a cleansing might be the next big move I do for my own sense of wellness.  The water challenge was a little difficult to achieve. Water in different states have a unique taste to them.  It is different from NY’s water.  I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing.  Bottled water was used and they too have a unique flavor, strange because water is not supposed to have a flavor.  But how else to describe the nothing taste of water.  Sometimes it more than just bland. I first thought it was the brand of water but I am tasty the blah in a brand of water I always drank.  I don’t know why that is, perseverance is a must though, I want to reap the benefits. 

In the time I have been away, I have received two boxes of graze snacks.  The Ady*graze

company promotes themselves as having tasty, healthy and proportioned snack foods for the conscientious person sent through the mail.  So far I have only seen some interesting combinations of crunchy and soft foods. I got roped in the free trial box.  This is not an endorsement or disapproval, only my humble opinion.   

The goals for this week is to begin the food journal, measure water intake and come up with an exercise routine even if it just walking up and down my drive way or block.  It has been avoided enough and without it tangible success will be limited.

Week Five: Day 31

Week In Review 

A Year from Now, you may wish

You started Today.

-Karen Lamb

This week had started at a disadvantage.  First there was no week in review for week four, no beginning essay for week five.  There is no excuse for the delinquency, this writer just had so much to do and only accomplished half of what was planned.   There is no remorse on the missed deadlines.  This is a process this writer is trying to get through and nothing planned goes the way it is supposed to 100% of the time.  There must always be room for flexibility and missed deadlines.   There is also no exercise routine research that aspect of lifestyle change had paused for the time being.   In attempts to find other important factors to a successful lifestyle change. It is scheduled to be picked back up in week seven. 

On a positive note, eating habits are improving. We have been able to successfully include more fruits and veggies in diet, thank you food journal.  I was a little reluctant to keep it at the beginning because I know I can be inconsistent.  I put that fear aside to move forward and the results are better food choices.  The next step is to consciously drink enough water.  For week six, the goal is to look up natural cleansing techniques and measuring water intake.  I read on slenderkitchen.com that to calculate how much water to drink daily according to your weight; you multiply your weight by 2/3.  The result will be in ounces. 

Slender Kitchen was nice enough to put up a chart and according to them I need to drink 154 ounces which equals to 19.25 cups a day.  That is an impossible and daunting amount, so I am starting with the basic 8 cups for now which is 64 ounces.   It will be added in the food journal for accountability.    The benefits of water are numerous but these three I like the most are: 1) water helps hydrate skin, the largest organ of the body.   2) Water helps with kidney functions and maintains other bodily fluids.  3) Water energizes muscles.  These facts can be verified at WebMD and other health sites.  

So the path is made clear.  I don’t think there will be a Monday essay.  I am aiming for Wednesday and Friday.  

Week Four: Day 20

What happened to Week three? 

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

It happened faster than the Flash.  Despite all my plans, week 3 came and went

without entries on anything.  The pro was I kept to the food journal to the best of my ability. Sunday is a great day to continue with lifestyle change.  Since starting my food journal I realized I haven’t eaten enough fruits and veggies.  I have the starch and proteins only but no growing edibles.  Sunday I added fruit to my meals and snack. There will be no con counter points on this essay.  This week’s plan is to try to change my relationship with food.  It takes up so much time in my life.

First consider the cooking process. Against all known nutrition experts, dinner is the most important meal of my day.   I spend so much time thinking and preparing the meat or the rice.   Vegetables are an afterthought or not cooked at all. This horrible habit is bringing all kinds problems into our lives.  I went plural because I am not just cooking for me, there is a family to include in all my meal plans.  In previous projects, I only thought about what I was eating and changing my lifestyle.  This project I am incorporating as many changes as the fam can take without revolt, trickery and sleight of hand method will be used as much as possible.  This is the new plan, instead of making the meat the main dish, I am thinking the vegetables should be the focus.  It is a method to trick myself to eat more green and growing things.    Another method is to plan breakfast as much as I plan dinner.   I didn’t realize how much time is being spent with food, it is the side effect of being a caregiver.  These are the things to tackle for this week.

The search for wellness and an exercise routine will continue.  One of the many goals of lifestyle change is to become a balanced triangle.  According to someone in the business of lifestyle change, exercise should be an enjoyed activity.  Full disclosure, have not been looking hard enough for a routine.  Since admitted here this too will be analyzed and changed so that the personal life can be improved.  The benefits of exercise are numerous.  There should be essay dedicated to exercise or at least how it should be included into the lifestyle. 

So what will be done in the fourth week? Changing our meals to more prep for veggies and fruits instead of meat and rice and continuing with the food journal work on the health triangle.  Research an exercise routine that will help with the physical triangle.  Find some articles for the mental triangle.   The triangle is part of the wellness/well-being philosophy.  There are all kinds, but for this week I am partial to this one.  See you on Friday.  

Week Two: day 10

Week in Review 

A year from Now, 

You may wish you started Today.

-Karen Lamb

Attempting to write an essay with a 300+ word count about health, wellness, lifestyle change and the project to carry them out 3x a week is actually too much for me right now.  Instead of working on me and my environment, I agonized over what I am not writing.  Overwhelming myself with information and methods for a better life.  So many people are doing it and so many have their reasons.  They are also successful which might annoy me a little bit.  Even when it had been a struggle for them, they have achieved their goals.  I am stuck in the process or sometimes stuck in the pre-process.  It kills the motivations.  So the plan for the weekend is to keep the enthusiasm and regulate.  What does that mean?  An unhealthy habit that is deeply embedded is lack of sleep.  Part of the change in lifestyle is to maintain the healthier sleep routine.  I may have mentioned it in an earlier post.  Decent hours of sleep continue to elude me.  Experts say 6 0r 8 hours are good for most adults.  However factors like obesity, work schedule and poor choices in general are causing people to lose sleep hours more and more each year.   I get thrown off my sleep schedule on the weekends, once it is ruined, I am messed up for the rest of week.  It takes days to get back to some semblance of normal.  This writer lives on three to four hours of sleep and constant fatigue.  There are poor food choices and lethargy. If analyze correctly one can see how they feed off each other like the cute-eats-cute logo.  Disturbing but still pleasant to look at.

The Week in review, so far it has been meh, slow and uneventful. There was no setbacks but there was also no progress either.  There is a food journal in the works, which will be extended to 3 weeks instead of two weeks recommended.  The idea of food journal has been introduced to me before.   Reasons include just becoming aware of what an individual puts into their mouths.  Another reason is the calorie counter, although we are not using that aspect of the food journal at this time.  The food journal is just a way to see how we handle food in general.  Awareness is part of the battle. Consistency is another part.  Sometime next week I would explain all that is included in the food journal, an honest analysis of what kind of foods I am taking into my body.

The search for a satisfying exercise routine will continue. A suggestion was made that whatever routine chosen it should be something the person likes to do, i.e. if you don’t like to run, don’t put it in your plan.  Having an exercise plan that doesn’t fit the person, is a road for ruin.  It becomes an obstacle, that later kills motivation.  Dancing is very helpful.  However we also have to consider target areas.  Personal obstacle is there is no desire to exercise at all.  This writer is an inside person, last year I tricked myself into walking for a cup of coffee and writing time.  It was the perfect scheme.  Daily exercise with writing time and coffee.  I liked that trick.  I want to continue easing into a positive lifestyle change.  This will also mean that I have to limit my time on certain activities.  This week is not looking forward to the weekend, this is probably due to the fatigue.  Time is precious and efficiency is so important. These are the goals for the next week and weekend.

Please Leave a Comment 

Week Two: day 8

A year from Now you may wish

You had started Today

-Karen Lamb

Not sure yet how to make this work.  The original topic of this post was something about the mind, I think. It was also supposed to be out on Monday. I didn’t get lost.  I just don’t have an angle.  I don’t feel I have the information that I would like to impart, didn’t have the time to research, understand and write about in an inspiring and entertaining fashion.   So this essay is late and random, very very random.   I call these post free write essays in reminiscence of my elementary school days.  The teacher would write a topic on the board and we, the students, will have 10-20 minutes in the period to write about it any way we wanted to.   Those last two sentences might seem a little off, but the teacher would also give a general idea.   The general idea for this essay is what I am doing to acquire lifestyle change.  What does this mean for you the reader?  You will be entertained and mildly inspired by a body of work with no plan.   The main idea will always be wellness, health and lifestyle change.

Usually I have a paragraph or two jotted down in composition book dedicated to the project.  The definition of wellness mini-project is still in the mixed up stages, still gathering information. Considering looking for a book on the subject.   Nothing has been decided yet. I scratched the first three paragraphs on Monday.  So is this still a free write essay?  That is something else to think about.

The 100 days project is well on its way and although most of what I am doing now should have been done on hiatus.  Research on the various subjects of each essay, so that I can write a better body of work.  Here is an example of what was done over the weekend.  I have written about establishing an exercise plan or routine over and over again, if not here on this blog then on another.  With the exception of walking 15 city blocks, last year for 3 months, I have not tried since.  Starting an exercise plan and routine was something that is very important to me.  It is a part of implementing a healthy lifestyle change.  I never actively looked into exercise plan the way I should have in the last two project that focused weight loss and lifestyle change.   I thought about doing the Insanity or Zuma programs but I can’t sit down and watch any of the routines to the end.  I get bored.

For a brief time I joined the online gym called Gym Box.  The most exercise I did on the gym box was a stretch class, before the 15 block walk, it was very beneficial. However I didn’t know where to start at the gym box, which class minus the stretch will be useful for me.  Many of the classes, I found had an equipment requirement needed to participate in the class, things I didn’t have money or time to buy.  Was that self-sabotage?   Should I have looked harder to no equipment classes, not sure?   I wonder if the Daily Burn is the same way, something else to research.  

Anyway to continue with this story.  I have recently become a fan of Youtube for various reason entertain, education and encouragement.   I did a search and came up with over several videos on how to start an exercise plan.  Of course these were targeted for weight loss instead of just being healthy.   I decided to continue with them anyway, because even though my main goal is life style change weight loss is the valuable side effect for me.

I watched the short videos by two women, not using their names now because I am attempting to see how effective their programs will be with me.  Do they clash or can I utilize parts of their programs to improve?

These are the wayward things going through my head right now.  Attempting to write it out in comprehensive story took more out of me than I would like.  I am still glad I made myself adhere to the 300+ word count rule.  Otherwise, my essay would be twenty useless words and most likely an apology. Instead of posting an essay 3x a week, it may have to be 2x a week, for my sanity.  I may increase the posting as I develop this skill.  

Please leave a comment.